Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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