she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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