My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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