When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
