So drunk its hurt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
