Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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