He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
