just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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