I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
