I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
