Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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