just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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