Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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