We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
