you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
