i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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