Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
