All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
