Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
