I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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