Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
