I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
