C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
