Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
