I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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