Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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