Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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