every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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