remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
