so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
