there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
