Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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