I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
