i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
