What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
