he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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