It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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