I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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