i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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