just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
