I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
