guys are only as good as the porn they watch
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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