Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
