i was born a porn star she said
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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