When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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