No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
