I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
