you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
