I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
