Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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