Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
