Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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