omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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