I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
