Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
