I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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