The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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