The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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