Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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