Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
