i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
