if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize