I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
