Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
