can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
