Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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