My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
