I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
