Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
