Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
