Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
