TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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