Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
